


Let's All Get Along

by ownerofalonelyblog



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Artist Evan Hansen, Connor is good at guitars and ukelele's like Zoe, Drugs, Evan and Connor are slowly getting along, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jared isnt as much of an asshole, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Slow Updates, Tag As I Go, Zoe and Connor are getting a long well, nor makes a big appearance, only waaaay later though, or as i come up with shit, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-03 02:43:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14559108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ownerofalonelyblog/pseuds/ownerofalonelyblog
Summary: Connor smelled like pot. Weed, drugs, anything. It was a situation that replayed each day. Never ended.Especially when he committed suicide in the park. Overdose of sleeping pills.The missing boy in the park.The missing medicine from the medicine cabinet.He was.. Dead.But ever since Connor did that, Evan was.. heaving it. A different way. He made an awareness for Connor Murphy. His bestfriend, his..Friend.He wasn't alone though. He was in the light of death, he was in the light of wariness. He was hurting, he was in pain.But he killed himself in the middle of the night. Dead in front of the park bench.Fucking.Dead.On a lighter note, here's a crappy fanfic before all of this death and angst happened.





	1. I Like You Here

Connor awoke another day in his bed. It was a continuous situation. And frankly, he was always upset and tired when he awoke another day. Depression got the best of him.  
Connor rolled out of bed, hearing a “bing” go off from his laptop. He walked over, grabbing the tiny computer, and plopping back on his bed.   
An email from Evan. He read it, and decided to reply.  
“Dear Evan Hansen,  
I don't know. Maybe I'll try to? I said maybe, by the way. Anyways, since you asked, I'm getting better. Everyday, actually.  
Sincerely, me.”

He hit send, and sighed.  
Connor closed the laptop, getting ready in his casual attire. A black-ish collar shirt, his dark gray sweater with bleach stains, black ripped and worn out jeans, and his black boots. Slipping on his messenger bag, letting out a sigh. He walked down the stairs, arguing with Zoe for a moment. After, he stepped out with his sister, and off to school, skipping breakfast like usual.

At school Connor headed to class quickly. He ignored everyone passing by, and walked into his first class.  
“Look who finally showed up.” Jared said as soon as Connor entered.  
“Shut up.” Connor replied, plainly and snobby.   
Connor sat down in his seat, and blinked slowly. The first day of their Senior year was already hell and boring. It was stupid, like any other day.  
“Okay, settle down, settle down. I know it's the first day of Senior year, and I know you're all excited--” The teacher was interrupted by groans and snickers. “You're all excited.. But, that doesn't mean you can talk all day. Let's begin with some first day activities!”   
Connor sighed, looking around. It was already hell.  
“Yes, Jared?” She asked to an excited, hand-raised Jared.  
“Can we not?” He asked, smiling.  
“Too bad, not your decision.” The teacher smiled back, visibly irritated and annoyed.  
Jared rolled his eyes. “Was worth a shot.” 

The teacher called everyone one by one to get up to the front and introduce themselves. Connor was somewhat in the middle-- considering his last name was Murphy.  
“My name is Connor Murphy and I really, don't wanna be here.” He stated simply. And, under his breath, muttered. “And I really don't wanna live..”  
He sat back down, waiting for the bell to ring.

End of the day, and he was worn out from talking and standing up. Tired and worn out from everything, to be exact.  
Connor bumped into Evan, and stared down at the social-anxiety, nervous kid.  
“Ah! Sorry, Connor.” Evan gave a nervous smile, and stared back at Connor.  
“Don't worry 'bout it. But, Evan, I need to ask a favor of you.” Connor muttered, turning away a tad.  
“What is it?” Evan asked, curiously. “I-I'd be happy to help I-in anyway, y'know.” He was stammering pretty bad now.  
“I just need you to come over to my house. After school, yeah?” He smiled, kind of half-heartedly.  
“Y-Yeah, yeah! I can do that! See you then, Connor.” Evan waved bye, and walked to last period.  
And Connor could have sworn he seen Evan blushing.


	2. Glad You Could Make It!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight sexual content ahead. No sex just.. Offering???

Connor arrived at his house, and stepped inside. He had Zoe drive him to school, and he walked back. Zoe always met up with someone after school anyways, so it was just a schedule that had worked out.

Connor was in the middle of eating some Chex mix, until he heard a knock at the door. Up until now, he had completely forgotten about Evan.  
Answering the door, he just stared down at Evan, munching on his snack. Evan looked up at Connor awkwardly, nervous beads of sweat forming.   
Swallowing the multiple chips and pretzels in his mouth, Connor cleared his throat and finally said something. “Get in.”  
Evan obeyed immediately, stammering a response. “I-I.. Why.. What did you need?” He asked, his anxiety getting worse.  
“Calm down, Stripes. I just need help with some shit.” Connor smirked, watching Evan fidget around.  
Evan just nodded his head, calming down a bit. He still had his backpack, but there was a slight change in the way he looked. Connor could tell Evan had a quick stop at his place to get fixed and tidied up.   
To be fair, Connor appreciated that. He also found it pretty cute.  
But, was snapped out of his own thoughts when Evan was looking at him, questioningly.  
“What?” Connor asked, shaking his head.  
“Oh, I just.. Wanna know what you needed help with?”   
“Yeah, yeah. C'mon, let's go to my room.” Connor sighed, moving upstairs.  
Evan perked up a tad when he heard “my room.” Nervously, he went up with Connor anyways.

When they both got upstairs, Connors room was surprisingly clean. Sure there was drugs, joints, and what-not use of drugs in there, but other than that, it was a neat room.  
Connor pulled out his math homework, and sat on the edge of his bed.  
“I know you're hella smart, so I need help with my math.” Connor turned away, slightly embarrassed. He looked back at Evan anyways, waiting for the other.  
Evan just nodded, and sat at the edge with Connor, setting his backpack on the floor.

Together, they just got in a bunch of math crap and from times, some personal stories and experiences.   
“But, wouldn't.. Wouldn't you guys have gotten in trouble?” Evan said through snorting and giggling.  
“Hell yeah we would've. But if it w-wasn't for Zoe, I totally would have gotten my ass kicked.” Connor chuckled, shaking his head.  
They went back to math for a bit, chuckling every so often.  
“Wait, I have a question,” Connor mentioned. “Not regarding math.”  
“Ask away, dude.”   
“Do you like anyone?”   
Evan went silent. As if in thought about something. He'd probably say Jared or even Zoe. To be clear, Connor would have been really.. Jealous and angry. He already was getting irritated.  
“I really don't think I exactly have one. What about you?” Evan asked, looking slightly nervous at the question.  
Connor blinked, the irritated feeling leaving, and then blushed only a bit. I mean, his crush technically was sitting next to him, but..  
“That's for you to figure out.” Connor smirked, leaning in closer to Evan.  
Evan's face turned red, but just sat still. He looked like he was contemplating leaning in as well, but just.. Didn't. Only a bit, really.  
Connor grabbed his pencil from behind Evan, and leaned back up.   
“I needed my pencil.” Connor smirked to himself, going back to writing math equations.  
Evan's blush deepened, and he turned away. Scribbling on his hand with pen, he ended up doodling Connor unknowingly.  
Connor leaned over a bit, touching shoulder-to-shoulder with Evan now. Evan just grabbed his notebook next to him, and doodled more with the pen. More Connor, some Jared, then just a tiny scribble of sunflower or.. rose. No, both.  
Connor stopped doing his math, done with it. He just watched Evan's drawings, then looked at his face. Just watching the smaller male, he was completely silent. Enjoying the drawings, really.

“You draw really good, Evan.” Connor said after about five minutes. Evan jumped, stammering and blushing.  
“Th-Thanks, I.. I don't really think I-I'm any good though.” Evan tried covering his drawings, embarrassed.   
Connor moved Evans arm away, shaking his head.  
“No, Evan, you're like.. Really good. I'm kinda jealous, man.” Connor chuckled, smiling.  
“Th-Thank you.. But, aren't you like.. e-extremely talented with the guitar and ukelele?” Evan asked, changing the subject away from himself.  
“Eh, I guess. Not talented, but pretty okay.” Connor said, getting up. Evan looked slightly upset Connor moved his head and, well, himself away. But, Connor just squatted down next to his instruments, and turned his head to Evan. Not his eyes though.  
“Which one do you wanna hear?” Connor asked.  
“Uhh, the ukelele. I haven't heard you play that in a while.  
Connor nodded, and picked up his sky blue ukelele. Tuning it a bit, he sat back down on the bed and strummed it, testing.  
Deciding on a song to play, he finally started playing.  
The song was, “Hidden in the Sand” by Tally Hall, but Connor wasn't gonna sing. It wasn't his thing anyways. But, Evan recognized the song immediately from the first few strums.  
He started to sing quietly. It was barely audible from Connor strumming, but Evan was singing quiet anyway.  
“You told me you fell in love with it, hadn't gone as I planned..” Evan hummed, enjoying the ukelele.  
“When you had to bid adieu.. Said you'd never love anew..” Connor joined, smiling.  
“I wondered if I could hold it and fall in love with it too.. You told me to buy a pony, but all I wanted was you.” They both sang, then started humming the last bits of it. Connor strummed the last bit, and smiled at Evan.  
“I didn't know you were also good at singing, Hansen. What else things are you good at?” Connor purred the last bit, smirking at Evan. But he truly did mean that Evan was good at singing.  
“I-I.. I'm not that good at s-singing or anything, really. But, I'm uh.. I'm okay at decorating?” Evan grinned sheepishly, then his smile quickly faded. “Shit. I've been here for so long, my mom is gonna be pissed.” He said quickly, getting out his phone to call her.  
“Hey, mom? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. No! No, no. Yes. I-I..” He muttered a response, which was inaudible.   
Connor smirked. Connor groaned and let out a “seductive” yell. “Get back in bed with me, Evaaaan!~” He moaned loudly and whale like.  
Evan's face turned red. “No! I'm not! It's just my.. friend.” He stammered, face still red as a tomato.  
“wITH BENEFITS.” Connor screamed into the phone receiver, making excessive moaning noises.   
Evan covered his mouth, and sighed heavily. “M-Mom, no, I-I'm not! He's being.. Weird. Okay. OKAY, LOVE YOU TOO, BYE.” Evan scrambled to press the hang up button, then stared at Conner. “My m-mom thought we were h-having sex. Connor.”  
Connor smirked at Evan then moaned again. Evan blushed deeper, and threw a pillow in his face.  
“Shut up!” Evan groaned, covering his face. After a moment, he grabbed the pillow and stuffed it to his lap.  
Connor raised an eyebrow at the action, and snagged the pillow away. As soon as he did, he just stared at Evan's lap.  
“Jesus Christ..” Connor mumbled, still in shock.   
“I said shut up!” Evan screamed, snagging the pillow back. “Please.. J-Just.. Be quiet.” Evan sighed, getting up.  
Connor grabbed Evans wrist, smirking. “Hey, I'm not judging.. C'mere, it's fine.”  
Evan blinked, small tears streaming down his face. He sat back down nervously, looking at Connor.  
“Figured you might need help.” Connor shrugged, dropping down to his knees.  
“C-Connor!” Evan yelped, shoving Connor away from him with his foot.  
“Oh, sorry. You don't want it? I'm cool with that.” Connor got up, and walked out of the room. Coming back with his Chex Mix bowl, he sat down with Evan. “Sorry I didn't ask before. Want some?”  
Evan blinked in small confusion and regret, but shook his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Once again, sorry for short chapters. They will get longer, I promise!


	3. Something Else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know i got some words and lines wrong in here. i apologize

A few minutes of silence passed until Evan finally spoke up.   
“Were you really gonna..?” He asked.  
“Totally. Best friends help each other out, y'know?” Connor smiled sheepishly.  
“I-I.. But.. I th-thought you were s-straight?” Evan cocked his head to the side, now confused as hell.  
Connor clasped a hand on Evan's cheek, and leaned in slowly. Planting a small kiss on Evan's nose, he leaned back up, and gave a slightly cheeky smile.  
“If I were straight, would have I kissed you just now? Or would I have offered to even give you a blow? C'mon, Evan, I know you're smarter than that.” Connor got up, and strode out the room, leaving Evan speechless and sputtering nothing. 

Zoe came home, and took one glance around the room. She sighed.  
“Who's here?”   
“Evan.”  
“Who?”  
“Evan Hansen. My… Friend.” He glanced at Zoe, and her eyes were wide. She just nodded and smirked, heading to her room.  
“Yo, Evan, don't you need to get home?” Connor called. As soon as he asked, he heard scrambling and thudding upstairs.  
There was a faint, “Hi, Zoe! Bye, Zoe!” Then there was Evan breathless and panicky.  
“Thanks for reminding me, Connor. I'll.. See you same time tomorrow, yeah?” Evan smiled, then ran out of the house. He came back in, took a pretzel, and darted out. Connor heard the door slam shut, then nothing.  
Zoe came down from upstairs, and smiled.  
“Kid's cute.” She hummed, grabbing a bread stick piece.   
“I know he is.” Connor smirked, going upstairs to his room. 

It was around 1 o'clock. Connor was up, crying like usual. Cutting at his arms, trying to distract himself. He choked when the blood came out, and threw the knife down. His hand was shaking furiously. He couldn't control it, nothing. Just had to sit there in his black tank top and sweats, shaking, bleeding, and crying. Connor sat up, and smiled blankly. He called Evan.  
It rang.  
“Hello..?” Came a groggy and tired voice from the other line.  
“P-Please… Get.. G-Get over here.. If you c-can.” Connor sobbed, choking up all over again.  
Before any response, he hung up. Getting off the bed, he stood up and walked into the connected restroom. He opened the medicine cabinet very shakily, and grabbed his sleeping medication. He swallowed a lump in his throat, and heard a car pull up. Hearing the brakes slam, the person rushed out. Connor's eyes widened, and he tried twisting the cap off.   
Didn't budge.  
He took the bottle and slammed the cap against the sink. Still not budging, he tried twisting again. He thankfully had two bottles for it, so he slammed it once more, being greeted by pills flying everywhere and the plastic-glass like bottle breaking. He inhaled when the shards stabbed him, then Evan slammed in the restroom with Zoe. Both were crying.  
Zoe cupped her mouth with her hands, crying harder. Evan slapped everything away from Connor, and wrapped his arms around the taller male.  
“Y-You fucking..” Evan trailed off with sobbing. Connor's eyes widened again, tears heavily streaming and flowing down his face.  
“I'm.. I'm s-sorry.” Connor mumbled, wiping his cheeks.  
Zoe lightly slapped Connor on the shoulder, smiling sadly. She hugged her brother, squeezing them two tight.  
Zoe was whispering to Connor, trying to distract her brother and herself now.  
“I thought th-that it was funny y'know?” She sniffled, glancing at Evan. “How Jared always looks up porn during computer class.”   
Connor chuckled. “Yeah.. It's w-weird.”  
Evan looked up, sniffling. He stuffed his face back into Connor's chest, mumbling words of relief.

The next morning, everything was alright. Hell, Connor actually didn't know. He just remembers passing out after a sob fest.  
He walked to school since Zoe technically left him, and he ended up 10 minutes late. The teacher gave him a glare, continuing class.  
At lunch, Connor just headed into the library. Just because he can talk to Evan doesn't mean they're… friends. Evan was still scared of him after blowing up at Jared long ago, so every often they just talked. Both Connor and Evan were warming up to each other, and it was progress.  
Anyways, back in the library, Connor was caught up on reading a book. It was stupid and he hated it, but was deep in thought anyway. That always happened with books. The bell rang, and he didn't notice until the librarian was poking and slightly yelling at him to leave. When Connor said bye and left, she just gave a small smile.

Through the hallway, Connor was simply putting his books away. Jared came up with Evan and snickered.  
“You know, that jacket and hairdo makes you perfect looking for a school shooter.” He laughed.  
Connor just looked down at him, saying nor doing anything.  
“God, sorry. I thought it was funny.” Jared “apologized” obviously not meaning it.  
“Oh no, it was funny. I'm laughing, can't you tell?” Connor paused, growing angry now. “Am I not laughing hard enough for you?” His face told serious anger and hatred as he glared down at the small nerd.  
Jared paused, looking scared. “You're..” He muttered, but grew louder. “You're such a freak.” And with that, he walked away.  
Evan laughed nervously, looking around.  
Connor snapped his neck to Evan, and smiled which looked pretty psychotic, considering he was angry. “Are you laughing at me?”  
“W-What? No, no! I-I was just..” Evan stammered, stepping back a bit.  
“Really? Cause I don't think I'm the freak here.” Connor stepped to Evan, getting closer since he was tell and, well, had long legs.  
“Seriously, I wasn't-.. wasn't laughing at--”  
“I think maybe you're the fucking freak.”  
Like that, Connor stormed away as well. Shit. All that progress and talking was ruined with Connor blowing up-- for no reason.

The next day, Evan wouldn't even do as so much to look at Connor. Not even in his direction. He didn't dare go within 10 feet of the pale kid, nor walk in the same hallway as him. Connor knew he fucked up, and had to apologize. So, he followed Evan into the computer lab.  
“Hey uh.. Evan.” Connor greeted when he silently entered, scaring the poor kid.  
“Oh, hi.. I-I can l-leave, don't-.. don't worry.” Evan quickly offered, fidgeting around nervously.  
“No, it's fine. I just ah.. Wanted to apologize for blowing up on you. It was stupid, I know..” Connor quickly stated, turning around and not waiting for a reply.

Closing the door even when Evan called after him, he walked out the school when the bell rang and speed walked home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Okay, i know that the formatting is weird and there's no tabbing, but i'm copying and pasting this from my laptop's libre office. i, once again, apologize


	4. Jumbled Nonsense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this was,,, copied from my laptop, its all confusing and not in different chapters. hope you enjoy it though!!

Connor was called to dinner, and when he got to the table, Larry was already greeting him with bitching.  
“I don't have to listen to you, Larry.” Connor hissed. “I don't even need to be here, mind you.” He pulled up a chair and sat down anyways.  
“You never listen to me, which is the obvious issue right now.” Larry replied, ignoring Zoe and Cynthia.  
“I don't like listening to bullshit, which you're always full of.” Connor glared at his father, angry. Zoe snorted and wheezed on her food, almost choking on it.  
“Please, now you're the one talking bullshit. If you could just listen for once and cooperate for once in your god damn life, maybe this wouldn't be an issue.”  
“Yeah, despite that this wouldn't happen if I just weren't a disappointment and huge failure to you.” Connor's glare hardened. So did Larry's.  
“With the way you're going, you've always been a disappointment and failure, Connor.” Larry spat harshly. With that, Connor got up and practically knocked his chair over.  
“Well excuse me, I never fucking asked for you to be my dad. It's really your fault I ended up this way,” Connor started. “With you calling me a failure and shit all the time, maybe I would've been happier and less depressed if you just laid off.”  
He stormed out, ignoring his whole family now. He walked out of the house, and called Evan.  
“Hello?”  
“Dude, I know you don't like me, but you're the only one who fucking listens.” Connor sighed. “Can I just please come over for a couple of hours?”  
“O-Oh, sure. Did-..Did you want to like.. Spend the night or just.. stay for a few hours?” Evan stammered. Connor knew he was already nervous.  
“Anything is fine. As long as I'm away from here.”  
“Then.. Then spending the n-night is a better option.”  
Connor agreed and hung up the phone. He went inside to pack his stuff, waved bye to Zoe, and left off to Evan's house.

When Connor arrived, Jared's car was there. With an eye roll, Connor strolled up to the front door and knocked. A thudding was heard from upstairs and Jared appeared with what seemed to be a journal, laughing. And then came an Evan in the distance stumbling down the stairs and fighting Jared for the journal.  
“Connor- Connor my man you gotta--” Jared laughed extremely hard.  
“Shut up!! No!” Evan screamed, face red.  
“Both of you, shut up.” Connor roughly said, staring at the two. Evan suddenly looked so small. He stood straight up, quietly looking at Connor with some tears in his eyes. Connor knew he fucked up instantly.  
“Sorry.” Connor whispered. He looked at Jared, who was excitedly holding the journal still. “What did you want?” Connor asked the nerd.  
“Okay, look at th--”  
“Connor.” Evan quietly muttered, still looking very small.  
“..What?” Connor asked, holding a finger at Jared, telling him to wait.  
“..C-Can you please like-.. Like not listen to J-Jared?” He asked, messing with his thumbs.  
“Is it something personal?”  
“Yes! Yes, it-- it is!” Evan shrieked, nudging Jared.  
“Then alright, I won't listen to Bath & Body Works.” Connor gave a genuine smile to the poor, anxious boy, and kicked Jared's shin. He let himself into the comfy house, plopping his stuff down by the door.  
“I can take that t-to my r--” Evan was about to offer, till Connor just grabbed it.  
“It's cool.” He said, heading upstairs to put his backpack in Evan's room. When he came back down, he pulled a hair tie from his jacket and put his hair in a messy bun.  
Evan just stared, wide eyed.  
“What now?” Connor asked, glaring at a giggly Jared.  
“N-Nothing! Nothing at all.” Evan said quickly, snatching his journal away from Jared. He went upstairs to put it back.  
Jared whistled as he walked up to Connor, smirking.  
“Evan likes ya.”  
“No he doesn't. The kid's scared of me.” Connor rolled his eyes.  
“Not what the journal said. 'Dear Evan Hansen, today's gonna be a good day and here's why. I got invited over to Connor's house. God, imagine that?! Spending a whole day with your crush.'” Jared recited, giggling.  
“I.. I don't think he said “crush.” Probably said 'with a freak'.” Connor sighed, heading to the kitchen.  
But, Connor still had some hope. It just sat in his mind, waiting for it to happen. Waiting for Evan and Connor to kiss and be together. Hope. 

Everyone was sitting on the couch and watching a movie now. Evan's left side was pressed onto Connor's right, head on his shoulder, and legs intertwined with his. Connor was comfy with Evan and put no thought into the position.  
Until Jared nudged Connor and wiggled his eyebrows. Connor blushed, shook his head, and turned away.  
After a few minutes, Evan switched his position. His head laid in Connor's lap and the rest of his body was just on the couch. Connor felt a little awkward, and placed his hand onto Evan's hair. At first, Evan flinched and fidgeted around, but then settled at the feeling. When Evan finally settled, Connor started running his hand through Evan's hair without realizing it. Jared smirked and watched silently, giggling every so often.  
Evan soon closed his eyes at the feeling, and perhaps fell asleep.  
“He reaalllyy likes you, Con.” Jared teased, chuckling.  
“No he doesn't. We're just.. Friends.” Connor hesitated at the word, considering he didn't even know if they were friends.  
“Sure, Con. Friends have a crap load of dreams about each other?” Jared asked.  
“Probably.”  
“Together? Face it, Connor. He has a massive crush on you. He always talks about you-- which gets annoying.” Jared snorted, turning on a lamp. Evan groaned, and turned over on his side so his face was stuffed into Connor's lower abdomen.  
Connor didn't want to answer Jared so he just asked, “Should we wake Evan?”  
“That seems like a smart idea.” Jared shrugged. He headed into the kitchen, leaving the two alone.  
“Ev, gotta wake up, dude.” Connor shook him gently, blinking.  
“No..” Evan murmured, comfy and content where he was.  
“You're not in bed.”  
“I'm not?”  
“You're on my lap.” Connor sighed. And with that, Evan shot up and looked at Connor, running a hand through his hair.  
“Shoot.. S-Sorry, Connor, I was just feeling all drowsy and-- and with you just..” Evan trailed off until realizing something. His eyes widened and he shook his head. Getting up, he went into the kitchen.  
Connor headed up into the kitchen and saw the two muttering. Jared was laughing, and Evan seemed frantic.  
“Yo, Con, look at this!” Jared called, wiping a tear away from his eye. He walked up to confused Connor, and showed him a video.  
It was when Connor was stroking and messing with Evan's hair. Jesus, now that Connor saw it from an angle, he looked in love.  
“You two look so gay!” Jared wheezed, falling down laughing.  
“That's fine.” Connor shrugged, blushing a bit.  
“W-What? You actually gay or something?” Jared wiped a tear from his eye, giggling.  
“Yep.” Connor smirked, grabbing a Coke from the fridge. When he turned around, both of them we're wide eyed.  
“Y-You… Never told-- told me..” Evan blinked. He looked slightly hurt. Damn, was he sensitive.  
“You never asked.” Connor shrugged again, taking a sip from the can.

They were relaxing in Evan's room, sleeping. Well not all of them. It was 1:30, Jared wasn't yet tired, and Evan was already asleep. Connor, as usual was up. He didn't really get tired around this time unless he was crying.  
They were just chatting about school and about Alana being with Zoe, until they heard whimpering. It was Evan. Jared looked at Evan slowly, and had to stuff a pillow in his face to hold laughter.  
Connor was just in shock, staring.  
“Ah! C-Connor..” Evan moaned lightly, starting to lightly grind his legs together to create friction.  
“I kn-knew he was gay.” Jared sniffed from cry-laughing.  
“Dude, I didn't think he..” Connor trailed off, thinking to himself. He got up, deciding to save Evan from the embarrassment and wake him up.  
Connor shuffled over to the bed, and laid a hand on Evan's chest.  
That didn't work.  
Evan's back just arched and he gave a small gasp, tears forming at the corner's of his eyes.  
“Don't let him, no, no. Not tonight.” Jared said quickly, getting frantic.  
Connor was confused for a moment till Evan let out a loud moan. Connor clasped a hand over the smaller boy's mouth, and bit his lip. He took the hand that was placed on his chest, and shook his side.  
“Evan, please, wake up.” Connor said, slightly loud.  
Evan gasped lightly when he woke up, then his face instantly turned a deep red. Even in the dark Connor could see the blush.  
“Shit...” Evan whispered, turning on his side away from the two. Connor smirked, and sat down on the bed.  
“Thankfully the sheet's and blanket aren't stained, aye, Jared?” Connor teased aloud, chuckling when Evan screamed, embarrassed in the pillow.  
“Right, Con. I'm surprised how fast he almost came.” Jared, smirked.  
“Shut uuuupp.” Evan groaned, turning back over. “I'm n-not going back to-- to sleep..”  
“Good.” Connor gave a fake yawn, and placed a hand on the flinchy Evans thigh. He gripped it and started squeezing it, teasingly.  
Evan gasped, jolting up a bit. “Something wrong, Ev?” Connor bit his lip, sliding his hand up a bit more. Evan placed a hand on Connors, and shook his head.  
“I-I'm fine.”  
Connor nodded, and got back onto the floor, in his little custom-made sleeping bag. He closed his eyes, and hummed. “Night guys.” 

Waking up in the morning to a strange alarm clock made Connor's eyes shoot open. He looked around, seeing he was on the floor. He shot up, heart pumping fast.  
Evan and Jared were staring at him, concerned.  
“Something wrong?” They both asked.  
“No.. No, just forgot I was.. here.” Connor sighed, combing his hair with his hand. He tugged out the rubber band, letting his hair fall to his face.  
Connor reached over to his backpack, taking out clothes. He guessed that the other two barely just woke up as well because they were still stretching and yawning. Evan sighed, looking around. His mom still wasn't home.  
Connor got up, and pulled off his shirt, giving Evan a quick glance. Jared wheezed.  
“You're not as thin as I imagined, holy hell.” He chuckled, continuing to stare. Jared nudged Evan, continuing to giggle and laugh. Evan just stared, blinking slowly.  
“He-He's.. right.” Evan said after a moment, looking away. After a moment he looked back up.  
Connor rolled his eyes, and chuckled. He pulled on his shirt, then slid off his pants. “I feel really gay.” He joked. “Like, I'm just dressing in front of you guys and you're just.. staring.”  
“I'm not. Evan is.” Jared smirked, looking at Evan.  
Well, he was right. Evan was just staring, lost in space. He didn't even hear the two talking. Jared snorted and shoved Evan.  
“W-What?!” He asked, getting up quickly.  
“Nice goin', Ev.” Jared laughed, getting up to the restroom.  
Connor slipped on his jeans, smirking. He put on his jacket, ready now.  
Jared stepped out in his casual clothes, ready. Evan went into the restroom, leaving it a crack at least, and got dressed. They all brushed their teeth, and had about 40 minutes to spare. Evan and Jared were at the kitchen table, eating breakfast while Connor was on his phone messaging Zoe.  
“Connor, please, eat something.” Evan frowned, staring at the taller boy.  
“I'm good.” Connor smiled, looking up from his phone. The smile instantly left, and he continued messaging Zoe. Evan rolled his eyes, and got up to make two more pancakes. He put them on a plate when he was done, and shoved it into Connor's chest.  
“What?” He asked, looking at the plate.  
“Eat.” Evan demanded, still looking up at him. Connor felt a small chill go up his spine as the smaller kid demanded him, and he chuckled.  
“Fine.” Connor shrugged, taking the plate. In front of Evan, he started eating the pancakes. Chocolate chip. Nice.  
No, more than nice these were actually fucking great. Connor paused, swallowing the mouthful he took.  
“Is-- Is it.. good?” Evan asked, suddenly getting nervous and fidgety.  
“When did you learn to cook?” Connor smiled, taking another enormous bite from the fluffy food.  
“Oh- uh, I learned by m-myself.. My parent's are u-usually.. Usually gone.” He smiled nervously, messing with his fingers. “It's-- It's good?”  
“Dude, I actually like these more than the ones my mom makes.” Connor began to eat the other one, thinking over the last time they had eaten breakfast, or even dinner together.

At school Connor's mood instantly dropped. Evan had to stop talking to him because of the classes, and the only the class they had together was Econ. Studies. (???) Connor just ignored him though.  
End of the school day, Connor came to Evan's house again.  
“You know y-you can stay again, r-right?” Evan fumbled with his fingers.  
Connor nodded quietly.  
“...Want something to eat o-or drink before you leave?” He asked, looking more concerned and nervous now.  
Connor sighed irritated. “No.” He packed the rest of his crap, and slung the sleep-over backpack over his shoulder. “Thanks for.. Letting me stay.”  
Evan made a certain face, then just nodded. “Uh.. W-Want me to like.. C-Come with you?” He asked.  
“Evan, I'm fucking fine.” Connor snapped, glaring at the smaller male. He walked out the room, bumping extremely rough into Evan's shoulder, causing the smaller male to whirl around then fall to the floor. Connor just kept walking, eventually out of the house without a goodbye.  
At his house, he sat on the couch with his book and read silently. He ignored everyone walking around and talking to him. He trudged to his room when Zoe entered, and sat on his bed. Getting a phone call from Evan, he picked up angrily.  
“What?” He snapped already into the receiver.  
Evan must have clicked the wrong contact because he started ranting about Connor himself. “He.. I mean, if something I did caused this, I wanna apologize but.. I don't want to get.. Yelled at or anything. He needs space, right?” Evan paused, and squeaked.  
“Yeah, I thought you already knew who you were talking to?” Connor grumbled, biting his lip to stop himself from blowing up.  
“I-I didn't.. I'm s-so sorry! I just.. Just thought I-it was Jared..” Evan stammered. Connor could tell he was messing with his shirt or something.  
“Is that what you always do? Rant to Kleinman about me? Is it always for concern or is it usually on how I'm such a freak, Hansen?” Connor snapped anyway. Why was he so pissed off? “Look, you don't have to fucking answer. Forget it, I know the answer. You're only hanging out with me cause I'm so lonely and such a freak, huh? Sorry. If that's the fucking answer, don't even bother with me anymore.” Connor inhaled slowly, obvious bubbles of anger blowing around him.  
“N-No! Connor, I don't think you're a freak.. I-I don't hang o-out with you from pity! Please, tell-- tell me what's wrong!” Evan pleaded. It was slightly heartbreaking, but Connor dismissed it off his anger.  
“No, Evan, I'm not gonna fucking tell you. Y'know why? Because it's none of your fucking business. You don't need to be involved in my life, I hope you fucking know.” Connor hung up, chucking the phone across the room. He stared up at the ceiling, with the glow stars plastered all over it. He rolled out of bed, staring at a certain sock on his floor. He snagged it, and dumped out whatever contents were in it.  
It was a recently-washed razor blade. For the stressful moments when he needed an anger or sad relief. Now was the moment. Connor closed his hand tightly around the razor blade, cutting himself. The blood dripped down his wrist a bit, and when he unclasped his hand, there was a pretty deep cut. Taking the razor, he sliced it over his skin.  
Connor flinched, and his breathing hitched. He traced it more over his wrist and arm, getting goosebumps from the pain. Cynthia, or Zoe, was coming up the stairs. Connor dismissed it, and continued slicing at his skin. Blood was practically staining everything. His sweater, his own skin, his pants, and even the carpet. Connor bit his lip so hard even that drew blood.  
Zoe opened the door without knocking, and was about to say something before covering her mouth. Her eyes widened at Connor, and she started to actually cry. Connor was confused, considering she never even cared for her brother. Well, they never cared for each other.  
“What the fuck are you doing?!” She screamed at Connor, letting her arms fall to her sides. She clenched her fists though.  
“What does it look like?! And hey, fucking knock next time!” Connor choked. Wow, he didn't even realize he was crying. Zoe angrily wiped her face, slamming the door shut. Connor clenched the razor blade again, and chucked it across the room like with the phone. Speaking of phone, it started ringing again. Evan, of course. He picked it up, not caring about the amount of blood staining the phone.  
“Zoe told me, I'm fucking coming over.” Evan paused, realizing he swore. “I'm sorry. But, seriously Connor, this.. I-It isn't healthy. It isn't a g-good way.. Way of coping. You need to stop.” Evan's voice was breaking. Connor could tell he was sobbing after the first two sentences.  
“You don't need to come over, Hansen.” Connor sniffed angrily, looking down at the razor blade. Holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder, he picked up the razor blade and went over to wash it.  
Evan tried choking a response, but just hung up after a couple of minutes. Guessing he was here already, Connor peaked out the window and saw the car pull up from belting down the street, and slam onto the breaks. He felt his eyes widened, seeing an extra person in the car.

Evan, Jared, and Zoe were pounding on the door, and Connor opened it slowly. Only peaking it, Evan stared at this bloodied arm that was poorly repaired. Evan felt the angry tears start flowing down his face. They were warm, close to being hot. Anger really was heated.  
Jared covered his mouth as his eyes stung with tears. Along with Evan, he clenched his fists. He turned his head away to keep everyone from looking at him cry.  
Zoe swallowed a lump in her throat, and Connor could actually see her break. He felt her heart shatter in his own chest. He never realized how one stupid action could bring them a little closer.  
“Y-You fucking.. Idiot!” Zoe screamed, balling her fists before releasing them. Connor bit his lip and slammed the door shut. He slid down it, and started sobbing. Though, forgetting his room was connected to a restroom, everyone stormed in. Everyone except Zoe. So really just Evan and Jared.  
Evan grabbed Connor's bleeding arm, sobbing harder. Jared just stared down at Connor in disbelief, crying hot tears.  
“Why are you all so worried..?” Connor tried asking in a harsh way, but it only came out broken.  
“We're your friends, doofus.” Jared shook his head as he spoke, the sentence coming out surprisingly calm.  
“Thought you never liked me..?” Connor sighed while Evan kept staring at his arm.  
“I-I just joke with you!” Jared looked defensive and.. Was the word disbelief? No clue. It was something though. Kinda sad looking, too.  
Evan interrupted, talking slowly and in a scared, curious way. “W-Were you gonna.. Take-- Take those?” He pointed to the sock which spilled out plenty of different kinds of pills. Mainly all of the sleeping pills.  
Connor chuckled sadly and hesitantly, shrugging. “Honestly, no idea.”  
“Get rid of it.”  
“No.”  
Evan gripped tighter onto Connor's arm, being careful of the cuts. “Connor.”  
“Evan.”  
“I said get rid of it.”  
“No. They're mine. Why do you care so much? You were always so fucking scared of me and afraid. You never liked me from the start, so why bother trying now?” Connor snapped. To be.. Fair, he had no clue why he was defending the death pills.  
“I care because you're my friend. And I care because, oh, I don't know, because you're so sweet and nice? That you have an actual life to live for? Maybe because, I have no clue, because you bring a light to everyone once they get to know you?!” Evan was sobbing angry tears now. He couldn't stop the hot tears from flowing fast down his face, neither could he stop his words.  
“Maybe because you're special? That you're such a great, excellent person that I, and everyone, knows can get help and be happy?” Evan was shouting, but he was done talking. Panting though.  
Connor and Jared were speechless. Jared looked at Evan, than to Connor who was crying now.  
“I'm sorry.. I'm fucking sorry, okay? I.. I don't know. Maybe I am just a freak, huh?” Connor combed a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. “Sorry.. I-I don't know, I'm not fucking okay. Th-This always happens when I'm.. Here.” Connor made a motion to the room and house altogether.  
Evan inhaled slowly, nodding his head. “Wanna come over with Zoe?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, this was a little longer. Only a little though. Hope you enjoyed!!


	5. Small A/N (ignore if you want)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this Wattpad like interruption.

Hey, sorry. But since I've gotten a few hits recently, I need to ask a question or two.  
One, should I like.. Pace up the chapters so it gets to the point or? it may get a little f r i s k y, so heads up  
Two, should i.. dunno, take requests? I feel like i should so the story and story line is better so idk.   
Do you guys even like this story??? Like, is it okay or should I make changes? My sister likes it, but idk if you guys do. Who knows if anyone is even reading this lmao. 

Yeah, anyway, sorry if this is a waste or if I "got your hopes up". Just needed some ideas and what-not. Anyways, have a good day/night and i hope you're enjoying/enjoyed this!!


	6. A/N

I'm not gonna be continuing this because well, one, it kinda sucks   
two, I've grown out of the fandom. Sorry for this, but it kinda had to be done.   
I appreciate anyone who's read this or left kudos on it, I really do.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this was so short. Most of them will be pretty short, considering i have no clue what to put in chapters, nor have any idea how long it should be. Wow long sentence. Anyway, hope you at least enjoyed this!!


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